see meghan blog

camera always in hand. sometimes for profit, sometimes not. torn between city life and country life. documents everything.

bees-knees:

enchanting-autumn:

Halloween by Stewf on Flickr.


Midwest Halloween

Totally been there.

bees-knees:

enchanting-autumn:

Halloween by Stewf on Flickr.

Midwest Halloween

Totally been there.

today, while on a walk, i sat on a curb and cried…

i cried because…

.my daughter has been crying/whining for the past 3 days for no apparent reason. teeth have to be looming, right? (???!!!!!)

.i can’t clean my kitchen/bedroom, bc of said whining, the two places that, when clean, make me feel calm and at ease. 

.i feel like a bad mom for letting her push me to and over the edge. i should be better than that 

.i want to work. you read that right. i love working and making my clients happy. i feel like i never get more than an hour to dedicate myself to what i am passionate about doing. 

.so much in my personal life is in flux right now. when i was younger i was constantly juggled around because of having divorced parents so even now in my life i crave stability and routine. the fact that i don’t know where i/we’ll be in a year has me in a perpetual funk. 

.some other family garbage that i don’t want to elaborate on. i come from a family who doesn’t have “crap” to deal with. this is new territory. and it sucks. bad. 

.i have a beautiful life. a wonderful husband. a gorgeous baby girl. i know these things. the guilt i feel for being even a little bit down makes me feel like a huge brat. 

.i can’t find a babysitter. i told josh the other day that i feel my relationship toward being a mother in general would be entirely different if hazel wasn’t with me 24 hours a day, 6 days a week. i literally never have time away from her which never gives me a chance to miss her and leaves me with a very mixed identity. much like i wouldn’t be the best wife in the world if i never left josh’s side, i feel the same about being a stay-at/work-from home mother to hazel. 

i have no happy end to this story or point, really. other than to tell other mothers, if you’re feeling the same way, that it’s ok. fellow moms know it’s not always sunshine and butterflies and any mom who tries to tell you differently is lying. and to other moms who have gone through this? the crying (by you and your child), the whining, the….emotions? i bow down to you. this thing is tough. really really tough. 

this past weekend was good. the kind of good you want to eat, slowly, with a spoon. the life of a wedding photographer, while i love it, can be really draining in the family-time category. but this past saturday left me entirely free (which almost NEVER happens) and we filled it with lots of good things. 

- josh and i escaped to newburgh for a great dinner al fresco and followed it up with a stop at sephora (josh thought i was insane for spending 30* minutes in there….if he only knew how many hours i’d burn in there pre-kid and pre-josh). 

- saturday the 3 of us worked our town’s farmers market selling coffee. 

- while hazel napped and played with the grandparents, josh and i ran up the road to french lick where the pga senior women’s championship was taking place at the pete dye course. it is such a beautiful place. truly. 

- sunday i had my dad, stepmom and brothers over for a going-away brunch for luke, my oldest younger brother. he leaves for college tomorrow!

- BONUS: do you see that side eye i captured. oh man i hate to admit she obviously learned that from me. 

usually saturdays are hazel/josh days (which i’m so glad they get to have together) and i was SO thankful they let me crash. that photo of them? seriously? they slay me with cuteness. i love this little family!

*it was really 15 minutes

Every day is a beautiful day at the Pete Dye.  (at The Pete Dye Course) View high resolution

Every day is a beautiful day at the Pete Dye. (at The Pete Dye Course)

jesus lord i wish hazel needed a backpack

jesus lord i wish hazel needed a backpack

Happy ribbon-cutting day, @smalleycoffee and @joshpremuda!! Hazel was more concerned with the status of her latte. #hjpmuda #6months View high resolution

Happy ribbon-cutting day, @smalleycoffee and @joshpremuda!! Hazel was more concerned with the status of her latte. #hjpmuda #6months

Dear teething,

Screw you for stealing my happy girl. 

Not sincerely, 

Me View high resolution

Dear teething,

Screw you for stealing my happy girl.

Not sincerely,

Me

updated family photo! hazel is 6 months old!
we baptized her yesterday in the presence of lots of family. which means 2 things: our hearts were very full and we were very stressed out. :) View high resolution

updated family photo! hazel is 6 months old!

we baptized her yesterday in the presence of lots of family. which means 2 things: our hearts were very full and we were very stressed out. :)

In French, you don’t say “I miss you.” You say “tu me manques,” which is closer to “you are missing from me.” I love that. “You are missing from me.” You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you.
— Unknown (via theantiquated)

Feeling this. Feeling the distance.

(via girlandpup)

(Source: thesoutherly, via girlandpup)

She thinks he’s HIGHlarious. He finds her OMGsoannoying.

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