there are lots of things…issues…that you don’t worry yourself with until you’re forced to think about them all the time. there have been many things that came with parenthood that i never thought i’d have to ponder.
while in charleston a couple weeks ago on a family vacation, i was slapped in the face with a couple of things that reside at the top of my ponder/worry/get mad at-list. a constant struggle for me is feeding hazel. even within my own family, i was/am amazed at how uncomfortable it makes people. i wish i could say i don’t care and i try to not let it bother me, but it does. i’m feeding my child. plain and simple. if it bothers you, look away.
i had a couple people ask (from a kind place) why i don’t just use a cover. a couple reasons, just to name a few: you don’t wear a bag over your head when you eat, so why should hazel? i find them impossible to use. seriously, impossible. they’re hot; for me and hazel. i could go on….
to try to fend off this feeling of awkwardness, i often pump before we go out to dinner, in case she needs to eat. however, while we were on vacation hazel decided to be a horrible eater. like the worst. so on a certain night at a nice restaurant, after refusing her bottle, i had to feed her. the restaurant had tight quarters and our car was parked on king street (read: no privacy) (which, can we just pause for a second and marvel at the fact that feeding my child in the car even crossed my mind?!) so? to the bathroom i went.
i wish this was the first time i’ve had to do this.
i get to the bathroom and find that they don’t have a chair to sit on. super. so i nursed my child on the floor of a public restroom.
if that wasn’t rock bottom enough, 15 minutes later hazel needed a diaper change. guess what? no fucking fold down changing table, either.
rock. bottom. i actually cried a few tears because of how terrible i felt for hazel, how grossed out i was, how helpless i felt.
being a mom has opened my eyes to so much. i never knew how un-kid friendly this world is. it’s so sad. i hope hazel never has to be ashamed of feeding her child in public or has to lay her baby on the floor of a dirty bathroom to change a diaper.