there are lots of things…issues…that you don’t worry yourself with until you’re forced to think about them all the time. there have been many things that came with parenthood that i never thought i’d have to ponder.
while in charleston a couple weeks ago on a family vacation, i was slapped in the face with a couple of things that reside at the top of my ponder/worry/get mad at-list. a constant struggle for me is feeding hazel. even within my own family, i was/am amazed at how uncomfortable it makes people. i wish i could say i don’t care and i try to not let it bother me, but it does. i’m feeding my child. plain and simple. if it bothers you, look away.
i had a couple people ask (from a kind place) why i don’t just use a cover. a couple reasons, just to name a few: you don’t wear a bag over your head when you eat, so why should hazel? i find them impossible to use. seriously, impossible. they’re hot; for me and hazel. i could go on….
to try to fend off this feeling of awkwardness, i often pump before we go out to dinner, in case she needs to eat. however, while we were on vacation hazel decided to be a horrible eater. like the worst. so on a certain night at a nice restaurant, after refusing her bottle, i had to feed her. the restaurant had tight quarters and our car was parked on king street (read: no privacy) (which, can we just pause for a second and marvel at the fact that feeding my child in the car even crossed my mind?!) so? to the bathroom i went.
i wish this was the first time i’ve had to do this.
i get to the bathroom and find that they don’t have a chair to sit on. super. so i nursed my child on the floor of a public restroom.
if that wasn’t rock bottom enough, 15 minutes later hazel needed a diaper change. guess what? no fucking fold down changing table, either.
rock. bottom. i actually cried a few tears because of how terrible i felt for hazel, how grossed out i was, how helpless i felt.
being a mom has opened my eyes to so much. i never knew how un-kid friendly this world is. it’s so sad. i hope hazel never has to be ashamed of feeding her child in public or has to lay her baby on the floor of a dirty bathroom to change a diaper.
Tonight I almost punched someone.
While shooting a wedding, thus wearing a camera bag loaded with 3 lenses, thus not having the best posture, some cow of a woman comes up to me.
"I heard you’re having a baby soon (while glancing down at my abdomen (side note. If one more person asks me how hazel is while looking at my belly I’m going to kick them in the shins))!"
"😳 I actually had her at the end of January."
"Oooooooh. You just haven’t lost the baby weight yet, then."
Bitch say whaaaaaa?????
As if her foot hadn’t reached her intestine yet, she goes on to say “my daughter had a baby in December, she is back to her pre baby weight, so you’re probably close!”
Moral? Shut the fuck up when it comes to women’s weight. Especially when she may or may not be pregnant, she is pregnant, she was recently pregnant, OR EVER.
And for the record, I am back to pre-baby weight but shit just ain’t the same. I’m ok with it, I have better things, like hazel, to worry about right now.